Tag Archives: loss

the next scene

This moment that I face
Could be my hardest yet
Time has passed
But my memory didn’t fade

I’ve seen this scene
Been the person across from you
Seen the hurt and pain
Thought of all the mistakes
And believed in the promises
That the ache would go away

This moment that I face
Could be my hardest yet
Time has passed
But my memory didn’t fade

I’ve seen this scene
Been the person in your arms
Seen the smile and heard the laughter
Thought of all the happy moments
And believed in the promises
That the ache would go away

This moment that I face
Could be my hardest yet
Time has passed
But my memory didn’t fade

I’ve seen this scene
Been the person crying on the floor
Seen the cracks on the wall
Thought of the empty picture frames
And believed in the promises
That the ache would go away

This moment that I face
Could be my hardest yet
Time has passed
But my memory didn’t fade

But my memory didn’t fade
Time has passed
The next scene I face
Could be my hardest yet

I haven’t seen this scene
Been the person standing on my own
Seen the horizon and felt peace
Thought of dreams and my purpose
And believed in my promise
That I would never ache again

My memory didn’t fade
Time starts now
The next scene I face
Could be my best yet

.

.

© Sara Febles

the space between us

I feel tired
And exhausted
Like I’ve run miles
But for some reason
I’m still in this spot
Standing three feet away from you

I’d like to rest
And feel warmth
Like when I was held in your arms
But for some reason
I’m still in this spot
Standing three feet away from you

I’d like to smile
And feel happy
Like moments ago before you showed up
But for some reason
I’m still in this spot
Standing three feet away from you

And as much as I’d like to
I won’t run to you
I won’t rest in your embrace
I won’t smile that way again
I am walking away
I don’t want more reasons
To fill the space between us

.

.

© Sara Febles

The hardest part

It’s not the loss
But the feeling of being lost

It’s not the emptiness
But the feeling of unfulfilled potential

It’s not the broken pieces of glass
But the feeling of having absolutely no path

It’s not the tears you hold back
But the feeling of your soul torn in half

It’s not the things you wish you would’ve said
But the silence left at the end

It’s not the second it happened
But it’s all the lonely moments after it

It’s never what you think it is
But it’s all the things you miss

It’s not that you’ll never be happy again
But it’s that you’ll never smile the same way again

.

.

© Sara Febles

I’m sad.

I’m mad at myself for thinking only of myself.  Thinking of all the times I lay in bed watching the sun push itself through the blinds, though I’d wish the pain would drown me and the anxiety attacks would stop my bleeding heart from pumping the pain of memories to and back.

Yes, you did things to me first and I did things to you second and you did things to me third, and last but not least we did things no one ever forgives nor deserves.  But that didn’t stop me.

I broke you, I know, I finally did exactly what you did to me.  And for a split second, for one tiny tick of time, I felt good that I had finally gotten you back.  But what a twist in words is that.

The clock moved on and your face said it all.  You stood there while you crumbled inside.  The silent roar of a shattering soul is one you never forget and now there’s no time left for us to come back from those events.

I see you now, laying on the bed wishing you were dead instead.  I know how you feel, but now worse than that, I caused you to feel like that.  There’s a shame I feel in my heart when I lay next to you and you turn your back.  I used to do that.

Now I lay looking up at the ceiling, wishing I could hold you and ask for forgiveness.  But how can I ask, when I never gave an ounce of that.

I’m sad I hurt you.  You, were working so hard to make peace of the past, to move past the times we dug knives at our backs.  How immature of me to only think of the scars and not the healing that was going on at last.

I’m sad I can’t hold you.  I’m sad I can’t feel you in my arms with the warmth we once had.  I’m sad our kisses are dry chapped lips barely touching skin to skin because it’s been so long since we’ve made out with pure longing and love and lust for each other.  I’m sad I’ve broken us up, torn us so far apart, we’re blinded by the pain wondering why we were ever one.

I’m sad most of all, that Monday will come again and another week will be filled with the routines and morning and afternoon trips. And dinner will be made with love I’ll say, but that isn’t really true, it’s all fake.  And I’m sad that when the weekend comes back, one of us or both of us, will be in different parts of the house mending our broken hearts, wishing for one another, but too timid to take the steps necessary to build ourselves up from that.

Can this be a step?  Can you please accept?  How sorry I am. Hurting you has doubled my pain and cut my heart in halves. Living parallel lives in the same house is not what I imagined our lives were going to be and for that I’m so sad.