But I won’t do that…

the moment you realize what that is
in a Meatloaf song
is the moment after you’ve done
everything and that for love
and miserably failed at it

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© Sara Febles

she’ll dance

image

She lit a candle and stared at it
Wondered what song the flame danced to

Then she heard deep in the silence
In the still of darkness

The rhythm left by old songs
The echoes of lyrics once sung

The flame warmed her
And the shadows grew long

They lifted her up
And she danced along

The lone passerby
Saw through the window that night

A girl dancing
In the flame of old shadows

He smiled and walked on
Little does he know

She’ll dance
Even after the flame’s all gone

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© Sara Febles

shut out

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When the door closed
I looked around and blinked in the darkness
I knew was my own
I felt it in the edges
Always present
Ever waiting
I breathed through it though
Trying to last till the light
I knew was to come in some time
I think I got through it too
Because
It wasn’t the darkness
That scared me
Or the falling
Or the silence
I just waited
To find my own balance
I had stood there once
And though I wasn’t accustomed to it
There was enough familiarity to let me sink in
What had me
Perplexed
Mad
Upset
Wondering why
Scared
Alone
And
Empty inside
Was not that
Not the welcoming darkness
Or the deafening silence
It was that you pushed me
Out of my place
And shut the door behind me
And for a time I shouted
Though not a sound must’ve come out
Because that door never opened
I was shut out
And I stared
In disbelief in awe in fear
That this barrier
Was permanent after all
And I wondered for a while
If I created that
If I was too much
Or not enough
I doubted if I walked out
Or was really pushed out
Because nothing made sense
For some time
But time did pass
Making it easier to stop staring in the dark
And I wandered further along
The door shrinking in the past
And with enough distance
Maybe it’ll be as if it never existed at all

.

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© Sara Febles

a missed event

A calendar reminder

of an event that should’ve occurred

at 2:00 am my time on that day

I forgot that a year ago

this was on my to do

an all day event

one I shouldn’t forget

but here I am hitting dismiss

trying to go back to sleep

wondering why I had planned ahead

was I really that hopeful back then

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© Sara Febles

Draft

in that space between

thought and dream

when ink stains fingertips

things wished

said and done

another draft

saved and gone

.

© Sara Febles

Merry Christmas!

It’s Christmas Eve!!

This is my favorite time of year. It is a magical time.

This year feels even more special, I had a little bit of a miracle happen. I found the snowman ornament that I had made back when I was in kindergarten. It had a black top hat, a green flowery scarf, and red mittens and boots. I thought I lost it two or three years ago. I searched for it in every box, but couldn’t find it. It made me incredibly sad to lose something so special. But, something happened this year, without even trying, as I’m opening a box of decorations, I lifted the tissue paper, and there it was. My snowman. I cried. I cried so much. My daughters asked what was happening and I hugged my mom. We both understood the significance of that snowman. That was me, as a child. My dreams, my hopes for life, as I was just beginning mine. To lose it, was devastating and at the time, I was myself lost. But moving forward, my future has brought me back and brought me to the ones that love me. My snowman came back at just the right moment in my life. I feel so incredibly blessed to have my girls and my parents and to have peace and love in my home. I hung the snowman right in the center of the tree, with its black top hat and broad red-dotted smile, where it’s supposed to be.

I wish for you, your own Christmas miracle, peace and love within yourself and your loved ones.

Merry Christmas from my heart to yours.
image

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© Sara Febles

thankful

I’m thankful for my girls
and the laughter and hugs and early morning drooly smell
you make life magical

I’m thankful for my mom and dad
and the morning coffee and late night snack talks
and the unconditional love I’ve felt this year
you strengthen me

I’m thankful for new opportunities
the endings, the beginnings, and the changes
and the courage I’ve held on to this year
to take them

I’m thankful for my words
the yesses and the no’s
and the strength I’ve gained this year
to voice them

I’m thankful for my life
the small minute moments
that add up to this journey
and the flexibility I’ve learned this year
to shape it

I’m thankful for this little spot
the readers and writers
and the time we’ve spent together this year
you inspire me

Thank you.

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© Sara Febles

I thought this uploaded on Thanksgiving day, but I pressed the wrong button. I hope you don’t my posting it late, I just had to let the universe know how grateful I am for what I have. I took the picture before our family dinner. My sister is responsible for the beautiful table setting.

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