shut out

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When the door closed
I looked around and blinked in the darkness
I knew was my own
I felt it in the edges
Always present
Ever waiting
I breathed through it though
Trying to last till the light
I knew was to come in some time
I think I got through it too
Because
It wasn’t the darkness
That scared me
Or the falling
Or the silence
I just waited
To find my own balance
I had stood there once
And though I wasn’t accustomed to it
There was enough familiarity to let me sink in
What had me
Perplexed
Mad
Upset
Wondering why
Scared
Alone
And
Empty inside
Was not that
Not the welcoming darkness
Or the deafening silence
It was that you pushed me
Out of my place
And shut the door behind me
And for a time I shouted
Though not a sound must’ve come out
Because that door never opened
I was shut out
And I stared
In disbelief in awe in fear
That this barrier
Was permanent after all
And I wondered for a while
If I created that
If I was too much
Or not enough
I doubted if I walked out
Or was really pushed out
Because nothing made sense
For some time
But time did pass
Making it easier to stop staring in the dark
And I wandered further along
The door shrinking in the past
And with enough distance
Maybe it’ll be as if it never existed at all

.

.

© Sara Febles

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